Cut the Dating Bullshit
Geplaatst op 22-01-2025
Categorie: Lifestyle
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Every few days or so, I open my email to a reader asking for advice on their current dating situation. My initial reaction is usually to laugh. Dear readers, what about my repeated failed relationships makes you think that I am any sort of expert in dating?!
But then, as I read through their stories, I always come to the conclusion that I do, in fact, have some advice. I suppose what they say is true… “those who can’t do, teach.”
After answering my fair share of these emails, I’ve realized my advice is pretty much always the same – cut the bullshit. You don’t know if she wants you to see you again? Call her and find out. He has a girlfriend that he might break up with but it’s complicated? Don’t talk to him until he’s single. You think you have no game and want to get better at hitting on girls? Stop emailing me and go hit on every girl that walks by.
The truth is, when you are on the outside looking in, the answer is always obvious. When it comes to dating, we all spend entirely too much time running in circles and, frankly, it’s just not worth it.
Now, I know what you are thinking… Sure, Cali, you tell others to be direct, but when have you ever taken your own advice? That’s easy – never. In fact, upon recently reading my journal from high school, I discovered that my pattern of – like a guy, get confused, run away/makeout with someone else – has been going on since the very start of my dating career. And we all know how well that’s been working out for me…
So last night, when I was at dinner with a good friend, I realized the time had come to take my own advice.
For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you may have seen my laments about the gentleman I have exchanged over 300 texts with, hung out 4 times with, and still have not kissed. True story. As I’ve mentioned, I don’t know how I feel about this guy yet, because frankly I don’t have enough information. But I do know that I have had quite enough of this texting bullshit. If you like me, kiss me. If you don’t, stop fucking texting me everynight. I don’t even text my best friends daily. Why would I be texting some dude I barely know??
But even though I have been annoyed by this situation for a good two weeks now, my behavior hasn’t changed in the slightest. When he texts, I respond in my best “friendly, but not overly-eager, slightly coy, could possibly be flirty” manner. I’ll have you know that this is a very challenging tone to achieve via text.
But last night, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it again. So after we texted back and forth I asked my friend, “Oh hell, can I just say, ‘so when are we making out?’”
She was fully in support of this plan, and as I thought about it further I realized, isn’t that the advice I would give myself? Wouldn’t I say, Dear Cali, you are way too pretty, cool and smart to be wasting your time and energy on this. Figure out where he stands and either move forward or move on. Worst case scenario, he now thinks you are a nut, and he stops texting you. Um, that’s a win.
After seven full seconds of thought, I pressed send. The response two seconds later?
“You wanna make out?”
Um no dumbshit, I am just texting you for the finger exercise. But I decided to play nice and just went with:
“Uh, yea.” To which he responded, “Hahaha! oh ok! Well I don’t know!”
So there you have it. Homeboy didn’t know where I stood anymore than I knew what he was thinking. So now, he knows. Two words – problem solved.
The conversation continued for awhile longer and after exchanging witty banter about us hanging out again, I went to bed feeling great about life. Who the fuck knows what he’ll do with this info, but the beauty is, I don’t really care. Last night, I was me. I said what I wanted to say and I got it off my chest. I stopped worrying about what he would think and just asked the question I wanted the answer to. And the rush I felt after this… well there’s nothing like it.
Now it’s your turn. This time, I am not only telling you to cut the bullshit when it comes to dating, I am attempting to model it for you. And if I can do it, so can you, right?!
For those of you who figured out the beauty of being direct long before I did, I implore you to share your stories of success in the comments. Perhaps together we can inspire those still on the bullshit fence…